And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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