Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
