I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
