Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize