I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
