Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
