Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
