12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize