I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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