I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
