I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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