just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
