Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
