i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
