when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
