i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
