She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
