He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
