The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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