Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
