I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
