So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
