My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
