Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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