i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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