I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
