Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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