WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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