so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
