That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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