pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
