we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
