there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
