hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
