I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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