Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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