watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
