I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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