he thought i was a dude.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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