I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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