you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
