My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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