New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I could fuck to npr.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize