can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
