I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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