Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
