I puked a lego.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
