I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
