note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
