I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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