I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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