So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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