I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
