that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
