come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
