dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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