if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
