Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
