Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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