wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
