So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize