I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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