his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
