omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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