i dont even know how to be here
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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