i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize