Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
