we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
