No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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