i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
