chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
