you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
