i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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