No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize