i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
