all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
