i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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