I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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