sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
