OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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