I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
don't judge my taste in strippers
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
