and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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