Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
