I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
