Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
they're like a gay fantastic four
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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