I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
