Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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