theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
