Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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