he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
