Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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