i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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