I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize