I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
