My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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