I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
