How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
