Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
