Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Randomize
