I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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