i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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