It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
